She Just Passes Out

I’m not cheap, I’m broke. There’s a big difference. But this past Friday night, two women were about to paint me with the cheap brush all because my boy and I were taking up bar space, but not buying drinks for them. My boy was not interested in either of them so he just walked away. I wasn’t interested either, but I refused to let them call me cheap, so I told them I have been on a sabbatical from buying women drinks. When they asked me to explain, this is what I told them.

About six months ago, I was at a bar much like this one and I met this girl. We struck up a conversation and from the moment we met, the chemistry was evident. I was already finishing up on my first drink and noticed she didn’t have one. When I was ready to order my second I asked her if she wanted one too. She said, “Sure, I’ll take a Long Island iced tea.” As I was about to place my order, the girl’s friends were waving her over to them and she says to me, “Let me see what my friends want real quick, I’ll be right back.” I said to her, “Wait until you get your drink.”

The bartender made her drink, handed it to her and then I told her, “Okay, now you can go over to your friends, I’ll wait for you.” I glanced over in her direction while  she’s laughing with her friends and sipping her drink. At one point, all her friends look over to my direction and wave at me with smiles on their faces. I’m thinking, this is going to be a good night for me.

The girl leaves her friends and is walking back over to me, when all of a sudden, she just passes out.

I put down my drink and rush over to the girl. I kneel down and I’m trying to revive her, when out of nowhere her group of friends rush over and one of them screams, “WHAT DID YOU GIVE MY GIRL?!” I looked up and I immediately went into defense mode. The girls are being irrational and accusing me of slipping something in her drink, screaming at me. The guy in their group wants to lay his hands on me, but luckily my boys are there holding him back. Security comes over, grabs me and takes me outside, but they don’t let me go. They’re calling the cops.

Right as the cops pull up, the girl is thankfully revived. They bring her outside, and the cops ask the girl what happened. She says, “Oh, nothing happened. It’s just hot in there and I have a tendency to black out.” One of the cops says to her, “Mam, what about this guy who bought you the drink you were holding when you passed out?” and he points to me. She says, “Oh him? No, no, he made sure I saw the bartender make my drink and hand it to me. This wasn’t his fault. I’m telling you, I just black out when it gets hot.”

The cops apologized to me and left, and security also apologized to me. They also offered to buy my friends and I a round of drinks on the house. I declined and just left. But after that, I told myself I’m taking a sabbatical from buying women drinks until I get over what happened.

When I finished my story, both girls had blank stares. Then, one of them said to me, “Well damn, I wouldn’t buy anybody drinks either if that happened to me.”

“Exactly,” I told her. Then I finished my drink, told the girls it was a pleasure and walked over to where my boy was standing.

“I think I just made up the best story ever,” I said, laughing.

“Word?” he said.

“Yeah, I don’t think I ever have to buy a woman a drink again.” I said.

“What’d you tell them?” he asked.

“Well, about six months ago…”