He’s Only Interested In One Thing Because She’s Not That Interesting

That’s it.

Women need to come up with a new line.

This whole “He’s only interested in one thing” line is old news.

I’ve been hearing it way too much and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only man. The fact is — and I said this on Twitter yesterday — some men are interested in only one thing because the woman is not that interesting.

Have we ever thought of such a thing?

Seriously.

Think about it.

More than one way to skin a cat. More than one way to get a man, like, try being interesting beyond the bedroom.

These women out here talking about, “He’s only interested in one thing.”

He got that one thing.

He’s out.

Shrug shoulders. Let it slide.

But why aren’t you a little bit bothered, a little introspective. Think all women who get chose are not interesting, on some vanilla with no syrup stuff? Wrong. They got chose because they were next level interesting. And yeah, that’s relative — we like what we like and that changes from man to man — but I’ve seen women attract flocks.

Want to know? They had the interesting syrup dripping from their pores.

I met women who I only wanted to sleep with, only to end up falling for them because they talked about themselves in a way I found — what’s the word I’m looking for? — oh yeah, interesting.

I mean, sure, maybe he has another woman.

Maybe the s*x was bad.

Maybe he doesn’t live in the same town and was only looking for a fling before he went back.

But it could also maybe. Possibly. Sort of. Kind of. Theoretically. Be. You. Yes, you my lady, are not that interesting.

POSSIBLY!

I don’t know. Just a theory.

So ladies, want to try some humble pie? My brothers and I have been eating it for years and it tastes like facts we have to face; facts like we’re not God’s gift just because we don’t put our hands on a woman.

Ladies, bring something more to the table than a resume filled with things you did that have nothing to do with keeping a man happy.  Expect me to be engaged because of a mortgage. Mortgage my interest.

Make a man laugh. Make a man think. Make a man speak.

Every time a man doesn’t get the woman he wants he wonders what was he missing. What could he have done to get the girl who turned him down? Then he applies it to the next woman. Men evolve.

I think I said it before, but in case I have, we should all hear it again. I think women mature faster than men, but I also think women stop maturing before men.

These women think if a man didn’t want them, something was  wrong with him. He just didn’t see how interesting she was.

But what if he did see it?

There just wasn’t much there, there.

No more biting my tongue. Holding back for the sake of a woman’s feelings is over. The best way to eliminate the women I don’t want anymore, ignore them. Treat them like they treat the guys they don’t want. They’re not interested in him, so they act the part by not returning phone calls, text messages, and giving dry, one-word answers via chat.

I’m going to start doing the same.

Women understand: S*x may be on top of a man’s list of priorities, but it for d*mn sure isn’t the whole list.

We have a list of things we want in a woman too. Some of us want a woman who can cook. Some of us want a woman who knows how to look good. Some of us want a woman who hits the gym. But all of us want a woman who is interesting.

That’s the item on the list with stars by it.

Funny how I get all these questions from women asking me what constitutes “bad s*x”, but never get any questions as to how they can be more interesting to a man. “When a man who I find attractive approaches me, what kind of things can I do to keep him locked into the conversation?”

Why I ain’t ever heard a woman ask me that question?

Then again, maybe it’s better I don’t get that question.

I wouldn’t know the answer.

Act Like It, Dude*

Dude, stop.

The girl is fwine, man.

No typo.

That’s wine with an eff in front of it.

Not fine.

That means not sick.

This girl is sick.

Fwine.

So why we acting, like she isn’t?

Just going to stand there with a dime on your arm.

Looking like you got change to spare.

Not smiling.

Acting like she’s cool.

She don’t need no public displays of affection.

She ain’t even into that anyway.

Yeah, okay.

Better hold her hand, dude.

Do something, dude.

Before she start acting like she ain’t into that with some other dude.

Hold her damn hand, man.

Better yet.

Do more.

Kiss her.

Not to sound like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid.

Kiss the girl.

Whoa.

Whoa.

She’s yours ain’t she?

Kiss her then.

It ain’t like I’m saying, F*ck her.

F*ck her in private.

Kiss her in public.

On street corners.

Subway platforms.

And movie theater lines.

Do it old school.

Straight sixth-grade-just-started-getting-tongue-action age.

Especially when the girl looks like yours.

Especially when she’s looking at me the way she is right now.

Right behind your back.

Jack.

Still using excuses like you were never raised in a house where affection was shown.

You also were raised in a house where no one had a college degree.

Now look at you?

You have a degree.

And a fine a** woman.

A little tip I learned after college.

After we graduate, we get the job.

But it still takes work to keep the girl.

Some real work.

No half-steppin.

Half-reppin.

Go all the way in these streets.

Put in that work, dude.

Kiss the girl.

Hold her hand.

Wrap your arms around her.

Man.

Do something with her.

Let everybody see it.

Pay no attention to any of the hate.

You have love.

Act like it, dude.

Lessons From The Lady Friends

Yesterday, I took one of my friend’s out to lunch for her birthday. She invited me to her birthday party this weekend, and I flaked so I wanted to make it up to her. When we sat down, she jokingly asked me what this was about, suggesting I was trying to make myself over. I had to explain it wasn’t about some larger life mission to be a better friend to everybody. She had been such a good friend to me, so I didn’t want to let her birthday pass without acknowledging it and doing something nice for her. It was my way of saying Happy Grown Woman Day and thanks.

When we said bye to each other, I must say I felt good about what I did even if it was something I was supposed to do. Because let’s face it, when it comes to what we are supposed to do, sometimes we have no clue. I know I certainly don’t know what I’m supposed to do all the time, but I’m learning, and what’s cool about the process is I can learn with women in my life who I call friends first.

I understand most women don’t trust a man who says he just wants to be friends. We call it the back door approach. So even when we’re talking about friendship, one usually assumes ulterior motives are at play. She thinks so, I know so, and so there’s really no way of getting around the stigma.

But one thing I am trying to do in my quest for genuine friendships with women is learning more about myself in relation to the women in my life. We already know the way a man treats the women in his family isn’t an entirely accurate reflection of how he treats the women outside of his family. But if I had a couple more women in my life who I can hold down the way they hold me down, I think I’ll get something I never got when I was in relationship.

Confidence.

I’m not talking about self-confidence. I understand it’s like Katt Williams said, self-confidence is confidence of “yo m*therf*ckin* self”. And on my own two, no matter what the women of my past have told me, I’m a man and a good one at that. But when it comes to being a boyfriend, when it comes to being a man to a woman and knowing what I’m supposed to do, I don’t think there’s no greater teacher than being a good friend to a girl.

To be clear, I don’t think a woman has all the answers to another woman’s problems. Just because two people share the same type of anatomy doesn’t mean they share the same heart and mind. But, what I do need to know about myself is that I can actually be good to a woman in a real way because when I look back on the failure of all my relationships, there’s so many things I see that just broke down my confidence to be that guy.

I have written about this before; women who stay with a man only to tear down his pride, so by the time he’s single again, he no longer believes he has the good for a relationship. Women are constantly telling a man who messes up their not ready to be in a relationship at all, when sometimes, they’re just not ready to be with her.

The reason I bring this up is because it justifies the need for a man to have closer platonic ties to a woman. If I listened to all the things my ex-girlfriends said about me in the past and let their feelings towards me affect the perception I had of myself, I would check myself into sex rehab like Tiger Woods and be in church every single day of the week.

But the women who are my friends have a more balanced perception of me. They never fail to call me crazy or a plumb fool when I act like one. If I want them to facilitate a situation with one of their other friends, they’ll make sure I don’t act like the man all my ex-girlfriends broke up with. One of my good friends won’t even introduce me to a girl who she knows wants to meet me. I jokingly call her a hater, but I also know she’s helping me avoid a situation with a person I’m probably not ready to deal with and I appreciate her for noticing that. I also appreciate how the same women who can say I’m up to no good still recognize the good in me. This is why those female friendships are invaluable because only a woman who is a good friend will forgive me when I’m acting an idiot and give me props when I’m being all brilliant and stuff.

The way I see it, all I need to know about being a good man to a woman I can learn in being a good man to a lot of women on a platonic level. I know I’m a good brother. I know I’m a good son and grandson. I know I’m a loyal boy to my boys. But the one thing I’ve only done a C+ job at best at is being a good friend towards women and being a good boyfriend, and I don’t think the reasons for one are entirely different than the reasons for other. It’s like, how can one be good at algebra if they’re not good at long division?

I know one thing’s for certain. If I can be a good friend to a woman, if I can be there when she needs me, and hold her down the way she holds me down, if I can make her laugh like I make my boys laugh and learn to give to her without asking for anything in return, if I can learn to do what I’m supposed to do, and it becomes second nature to me, I’ll be ready to be with a woman the way I’m supposed to be.

It All Happened Without You

This isn’t about you. Not you either. This is about all of yous. The girls with whom I once shared my dreams and now are no longer around to see them come true.

As I think about what’s next, and I stay true to the belief that whatever it is it’s going to be great, I think about all of you who knew me then. You girls who let me tell them about my moves and my goals, but for whatever reason, aren’t around to see such things happen. I couldn’t have done it without you, but in a weird way I did.

My mom once told me to find a woman to build a life with and when she said it to me, it was more like a warning, less like a lesson. “If you do it on your own, you’re not going to want to share it as much,” she said. “You may mean to, but trust me, you’ll be selfish even if you don’t intend to be.”

Well, here I am today, working hard to accomplish the things I want most in life without one consistent person in it. My mom’s words still ring loudly in my ears, but just because she said so, doesn’t mean I bring a woman into my life while I make my next move. I could never use a woman in such a way.

What I can do though is recognize you who was once around when some very good things happened to me. I can remember you who held me down while I was interviewing for a job that at the time was the biggest deal in the world. I can remember you who I woke up the day GQ asked me to do the same. I can remember all of you who were there to witness these little moments of my personal history unfolding, and I can remember how intimate those moments were.

When I shared the news with you, I didn’t feel the need to share it with anyone else afterward, except for maybe Facebook, but you know, that’s not a real person. You were the only one I cared to tell, and the rest would have to call me if they wanted to hear the good news.

These days when I get some good news, it’s a little different. It’s not so much the loneliness that strikes me, nor is it an empty feeling. I have a great number of people who root for me every single day, but for some reason I also always think about you who is not here.

Maybe you were there  in the beginning when I first let you into this plan I had to succeed, but eventually it all happened without you, and I would love to share it with you, but I don’t think it would impress you. One of the great ironies in life is being with someone who has always believed in you. When you achieve all that you set out to and you tell them, they’re almost never surprised. Your good news doesn’t impress so much as it reaffirms what it is they already know.

But we both know I’ll probably tell you anyway. Even though you’re no longer around to see me make my next move, you deserve to know about it, especially (especially) if it’s a good one.

It’s odd to say this, but when you were around for the hard the times  — losing my job; losing my biological father; being hospitalized — the comfort of your presence never compared to when you around for the good times. Maybe it’s the man in me, but hard times always seem to be easiest to go through by myself.

I remember being all alone when I received the news one of my best friends, Trey, was killed in a car accident. I remember how I was relieved to receive the news alone in my apartment, that way I could allow myself just one good cry without the feeling of someone watching me get it all out. And I compare that feeling to the one I had when my sister called to tell me I would be an uncle. I was also alone then, and I felt so, just so lost. Of course I was through the roof with excitement, but have you ever been the only witness to something unbelievable? It’s like the feeling you get when you make a basket from 3/4 of the court with your eyes closed and no one is there to bear witness. The first thing you’re thinking is, Damn that was awesome and you’re running around with your arms held high. Then the “aw shucks” moment comes when you realize you’re only jumping into the arms of the air, and no one was around to witness your incredible shot.

Sharing bad news is intimate, but so is sharing good news.  I love that you held me down whenever times were hard, but I definitely missed you when the times were good.

Respecting The Women Who Just Want To Get Laid

I never understand why women tell a man they never did something they just did with him. When are they going to realize he never believes her when she says that, and more importantly, he never really cared if she did in the first place?

Sometimes I feel like females empower themselves not by demanding to be treated like the fairer sex that we all recognize they are, but rather, by just not being treated like or looked upon as some sort of h*e. They like to say things like, “I’m not like those other girls.” Thus tearing down “those other girls” just so they can look better or be treated a certain way. But here’s the thing about “those other girls”, they’re talking to another man and saying the exact same thing. Apparently, they’re not like those other girls either.

Women may start maturing faster than men, but some days I swear they also stop maturing faster than men. They have this image of a man sitting in some strip club, throwing money at a woman who is willing to get naked all in the name of paying rent, and all women care about is making sure a man doesn’t treat her like that girl.

Call me ridiculous, but I cannot stress to women enough how much I, and other men, do not hold it against a woman who just wants to get laid. I feel like I’ve said this before and yet I constantly talk to women who say they’re not like that because women like that never get a man.

Shut up.

You know what type of women never get a man? Virgins and women who act like virgins.

No disrespect to virgins. I don’t mean to knock them down, but I’m for damn sure not about to put them on a pedestal higher than non-virgins. Does anyone ever notice how women who say something like, “I just need to get laid” usually follow that phrase up with this phrase: “I’m a grown woman.”

Only grown women are comfortable with the idea of casual sex (and only grown women understand the importance of protecting themselves when they do). The fact of the matter is — and this is something I really want everyone to understand — most men already assume a woman has done things like have a one night stand, slept with someone on the first night or the first date, is nasty in the bedroom, had too much to drink one night and made a bad decision, smoked weed, got laid with a native while on vacation, cheated on a boyfriend or husband, dated a man for money, only likes guys with muscles, wants a man to pay all the bills even if she can do it herself, etc. There is absolutely nothing a woman can say to convince a man she hasn’t done some things her man would be ashamed to hear, doesn’t have some thoughts she would be ashamed to share out, and just because he doesn’t ask about those things, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Why do we think he’s not asking? BECAUSE HE ASSUMES THAT SHE HAS DONE THOSE THINGS!

When I was in college, I never had a chance to go on Spring Break, but a lot of my boys did and the stories they came back with were absolutely crazy. But guess who was always on the other side of those stories? Women. I always found it funny the way a man would describe his Spring Break in vivid detail, with a lot of references to women they met and partied with. When I asked women what they did for their Spring Break, details were always sparse, and men were never mentioned. Therefore I came to one conclusion: While it may be true some men lie about what they do, it’s definitely true some women lie about what they don’t do.

Everyone likes to misconstrue permiscious behavior as some sort of tell-tale sign they’re not ready to be in a relationship. I laugh at such elementary, obtuse thinking. There is never a time when I am not hoping the woman I meet is the woman I marry. I’m a romantic like that. But there’s also never a time where I’m not hoping she doesn’t want to just get laid and wants me to do it. I’m a freak like that. And last but not least, there’s never a time where I am not hoping I can’t get both women in one. I’m a dreamer like that.

Now of course, someone is going to comment today and say if I believe every woman I meet has done something like sleep with a man within one week or the same night of meeting him, then obviously I have no respect for women in general. But that would be extremely short sighted because I know I don’t treat any woman like I have no respect for her. Matter of fact, I don’t think any woman who has dealt with me can say I disrespected them out right. Treated them differently than what they would like? Maybe, but it was never done disrespectfully. I respect and recognize all women as good women first, I just hope they’re the type of good woman who likes to do things the same way I like to do things. If she doesn’t I can respect that. But if she does, I can respect that too.