Friends with Benefits

I’m sure you have heard of the term “friends with benefits”. Nowadays, with people being extremely open-minded about sexual relationships, it does not really matter anymore if a sexual encounter is with a friend and there are no strings attached to the relationship.
In fact, I know someone who has been doing exactly that. But then, the friend she was sleeping with is now seriously dating another woman. It was only recently that she found out about it and guess what? She feels hurt and finds it hard to accept that he now has someone serious in his life.
With the friends with benefits thingy, you have to be absolutely sure you won’t fall in love with the guy. Because the rule is there is no string attached to this type of relationship, you can’t stop the guy from dating someone else. You can’t expect the relationship to develop into something more meaningful. And you certainly can’t expect that the guy will be your friend with benefits forever. It is going to end one day and when that day comes, you better be prepared to let it go without regrets.
I guess the problem is, as humans, we will develop attachment and feelings to a person we like and is sleeping with. We may think of it as just casual sex at the beginning but not everyone can maintain that indifference when we have slept with the person a few times. After all, if you don’t like the person, you wouldn’t even think of sleeping with him. But if you like him a little and start this friend with benefits relationship, there is every possibility that your feelings will start to deepen for this person over the next several encounters.
So, friends with benefits? You might like to think twice or thrice before you give it a go!

A slap can save your relationship!

I have been holding back over this piece. Each time I thought it was ready to run, my intuition called it back. But my mind was finally made up this last weekend, after I caught myself listening in to one of the local upcountry radio stations. The radio station was holding a talk-show on wife battering.

The show host laboured to assure her audience that women should not be beaten by husbands and lovers; then the unthinkable happened. An elderly female caller, (judging by the tone of her voice) called and asked the host to stop confusing the public. She told off the host that there are certain things that are done specifically to judge a man's reaction.

According to her, the woman doing this irritating thing is hoping that if her husband still cares for her, he will turn around and be so outraged by the irritant that he will unleash a slap on her. On the other hand, according to this lady, if the man has ulterior motives, or is contemplating leaving the relationship, he will not be terribly bothered at all.

By this logic, the woman argued that whereas she does not agree with men who literary kill their wives; women ought to find a way of determining that their men are still interested in them. And according to her the inherent feminine way of doing this is to test her man's interest in the relationship by her actions.

Apparently this testing thing is not new to women. Even at the dating stage studies show that women are known to test their men's patience, often for no reason at all, other than to find out the man's "boiling" point, or whether he really cares about them enough to lose his cool over "nothing".

Many times men fail this test, and that can spell the end of the relationship in the end, if the man comes off as too nice and lacking in backbone. So the next time, you agree to go together for her friend's wedding party at 2:00p.m. and she is still in the bathroom at 2:30p.m. you know what is going on, you are under the test my brother. How you react can determine how long you'll be in this relationship.

Despite what you have heard, women do not see it as cool for a man to lack backbone here, so my dear brother throw your toys and ask her why she is always late. Assure her that you will not accept to be taken for granted if she "misbehaves" like this again. If she is not done with the test, you could soon see her sniffing into a handkerchief, in protest at your "cruelty".

Now if you apologise after this, you have ruined it for all of us. It means that you did not mind being taken for granted and thus you are opening yourself up to be tortured endlessly, and as such my brother you deserve your pain, so eat it bravely. It also means that for such a woman, all men are wimps that deserve to be tortured or de-toothed as some would rather have it.

Of course many women will deny this, but if you take time off to find out how our old men managed to maintain their marriages, you will be shocked at horror stories. For instance, no woman could ever run away from home simply because her husband was too tough and uncompromising. In fact, it is what they expected him to be!

This country is full of corporate women who endure corporal punishment at the hands of their husbands. Many of these women will not say a word about it the next day, but will be cruising nice cars as the rest of us endure the occasional splash of water from the roadsides. Oh, and of course they will assure you how they would just get up and leave their husbands, if they just as much as talked down to them, forget about the slap!

During our youth, there were certain things that we as children could never ask of our fathers, because they had set a certain standard. In case you have your doubts, the situation was the same for their wives as well. Like that caller affirmed, the only woman who ever crossed that barrier was the one trying to find out if the man still cared enough to unleash that slap.

It’s not a game

I’m tired of playing games, Why do I have to play these games, Men play too many games.These are all catch phrases I hear from various single women I know. They refuse to play all of them! The younger generation doesn’t know how and the older generation been through so much they’ve thrown in the towel.  Let me say this.  These games you think  are being played on YOU are not games at all. It’s called survival and it’s natural for us to be this way. It’s part of the process. If you don’t get with it YOU will be LEFT behind.
EVERY MAN has been through at least ONE BAAAD relationship that will dictate his dating style. The dude that’s been cheated on will most likely become the boyfriend that cheats or the boyfriend that smothers or worse  BOTH.  I think it’s a little different for women. Their dating style is somehow derived from their childhood. The little girls that watched their mothers use their cookie to get some goodies will eventually do the same thing. The ones that watched their daddy leave or have no daddy at all will usually date dudes waaaay older than them.
I could go on with my analysis but that would require another 250 pages. Ladies start paying attention. Stop looking at your love life like it’s an outer body experience. If your new prospect does something that gives you pause you best believe it’s not a dream. Don’t stand their scratching your head thinking ” This nigga is playing games” NO he’s doing what his last couple of relationships allowed him to do. It’s not a game to him it’s survival. Counteracting his bullshit is not you participating its you surviving in this race for love.
I know it’s  damn near impossible to find a black man of your own never mind a good black man cause the only one left is in the White House…lol  But if you’re gonna pursue JUST them you better develop some IRON MAN armor and treat every interaction as a learning experience and not like THIS COULD BE THE ONE!    If ole boy does something suspect don’t yell, don’t scream process what it is first then if you know its something you can’t live with ” POOF”  disappear, fade to black, in other words do what we do.
Remember a man’s actions especially a black man  are not STUPID  they’re DELIBERATE.